"I didn't want to just open a 'straight' bar. I wanted to create a place for the community."

Marianne van der Wildt (l), owner of Bar Buka, a LGBTQI+ bar in Amsterdam. Interviewed by Sanne Pols (r), owner of queer tour company LGBTour Amsterdam.

I met one of my best friends at Bar Buka and organised Queer Story Sundays (queer storytelling events) at this place. Bar Buka is one of the most open-minded lesbian bars in Amsterdam. My last visit there is still fresh in my memory: karaoke on Saturday Night. A group of queer women from New York had booked a private Queer Night Tour with me, and I can tell you: they didn't need any warm-up to take over the karaoke stage. Oh, what a night. They were more on stage than off. An example that speaks for itself.

How did I meet one of my best friends over there? Here's a tip of the lesbian veil: I walked in, we danced together, she lost her phone, I found it. I asked her to come home with me. Still outside the door at Bar Buka, she took her antihistamine pills to prevent an allergic reaction to my furry roommate. Next image: I saw her get into a taxi with another woman, disappearing into the night. I never found out if that other woman also had a cat. Anyway, there was a lesbian 'misunderstanding': I saw - I didn't come - I forgave. We became besties, as is fitting according to lesbian code.

And now I'm back at Bar Buka, on a bleak, rainy Thursday afternoon. Outside, it's business as usual at the ever-popular Albert Cuyp market. But here, under the ‘where girls meet’ neon light, it's warm and humid dry.

I turn on the recorder to ask Marianne, owner of Bar Buka, how business is going and how she manages her personal life while running a lesbian bar in Amsterdam.

Who: Marianne van der Wildt (44)

Relationship status: Partnered with a newborn baby boy.

Bar: Owner of Bar Buka. Established in 2017

Meaning of Bar Buka: Buka means 'open' in Indonesian (Marianne's roots).

Target audience: "We are open to everyone, but we focus on women. But allies, men, non-binary people, everyone is welcome here."

Labels: "I call myself a lesbian."

Favourite drink: "As long as it's sweet. My guilty pleasure is Passoa juice, but when I'm on vacation, I'm just as happy to order an ice-cold Coke."

Fun bar story: "Every year, we celebrate our anniversary with one hour of free drinks. It's always special to see how much everyone can consume in that time." Personal bar tip: Bar Lellebel, Amsterdam. Read more on Amsterdam queer bar tips at: Amsterdam’s FLINTA / Lesbian Bars: Where Queer Women* Gather

Why did you start Bar Buka?

"I started Bar Buka (2019) because I personally felt there was a need for such a place within the community. A number of lesbian venues were disappearing in Amsterdam, such as 'Sappho', Vive la Vie, and Bordo. As a joke, I said: I will do it myself.

I didn't want just another straight bar; I wanted to create a place for the community. So off we went. And here we are, seven years later.

The Bar means a lot to me. I've raised it over the past seven years. It feels like an extension of my living room. I enjoy hanging out here with friends at the bar, meeting new people, or bringing people together. The nights are pretty tough, especially with a baby. My girlfriend just gave birth. We have a son. His name is Elias. I like having a baby even more than I thought I would. We also recently moved to Dordrecht. Well, that really sucks. I have a commute of at least one to three hours. An hour commute isn't bad in itself. But in the middle of the night, it's terrible. Last Saturday, I got home at 6:15 a.m. Elias had just woken up, so I fed him first. I went to bed at 7:15 a.m. I won’t be able to do that every week. It's killing."

Typical Bar Buka

"If you walk in here on a Saturday night, it can be packed, and it can just be fun. We organise many different events. For example, we just had wine expert Lieske—known from the TV show "B&B Vol Liefde"—come by to give a wine tasting. We also organise munches (social events for kinksters), speed dating, storytelling events, salsa dancing, etc. You can find the complete agenda on the website of Bar Buka.

We have people who come here to dance. Then we remove the tables. We also have evenings when people are more looking to connect. They want to chat at the bar or play a game. We have a very large game cabinet.

There are also plenty of people who come here alone. They never actually leave unnoticed. They often meet new people with whom they sometimes continue the evening at De Reguliers (Reguliersdwarsstraat in Amsterdam, aka 'Amsterdam's gay street'). Others don't necessarily come to chat, but want to read a book and sit comfortably in their own little cocoon."

Straight men

"Sometimes lost men walk in. Look, it's not like we stand at the door and say, 'Hey, you're not welcome here,' because I don't want to convey that.

They usually quickly realise that it's a women's bar. Then they leave right away or have a beer and leave afterwards. That's perfectly fine. But suppose a rowdy bachelor party with thirty screaming guys comes in; that's a different story. In that case, I will kindly inform them that we are a bar aimed at women."

"My guilty pleasure is Passoa juice, but when I'm on vacation, nothing makes me happier than an ice-cold coke."

How do you feel about being a lesbian in Amsterdam?

"I've always enjoyed it. I've been part of the community for quite some time now.

What I like about Amsterdam is that I feel at home anywhere in the city. I don't have to think about where I can sit or walk hand in hand with my girlfriend. Or where can I kiss her? Strangely enough, that's also a threat to the bar.

When I go out for a drink with my girlfriend, I feel free to sit anywhere in the city. It doesn't have to be a specifically lesbian place. I especially like those places because you're with like-minded people. Especially if you're a lesbian and single, you want to be in a place where you can meet other lesbians. I come from a time when you mainly had 'Flirtation' at Club Panama (Amsterdam) and the Pann parties in Utrecht. I went to all of them. I really enjoyed it.

Now, for people in their twenties and thirties in Amsterdam, there are lots of fun things to do. That's really positive for the community.

At the same time, people also need a regular place to go. If you feel like having a drink on a Saturday in a place where lesbian women also go, you can do that here.

Sometimes people come to have a drink and catch up before going out together. It's a kind of living room where you can just get together and have a good time. I think that's why it's important that these kinds of regular places continue to exist and that we, as a community, continue to support them."

"I think there is still a lot to be gained for the trans community. There is a lot of fuss worldwide about trans rights disappearing or not existing."

"I think there is still a lot to be gained for the trans community. There is a lot of fuss worldwide about trans rights disappearing or not existing. Within the LGBTQIA+ community, the trans community is under the most pressure. I am in daily contact with Tori from Lellebel (trans-owned queer bar in Amsterdam). When I hear her everyday stories, I admire her greatly. About what it's like for her when she's just riding her bike or taking the subway. How the outside world always reacts to her. So even here in liberal Amsterdam, it's not always safe for the queer community. Let alone if you come from a village where being trans is completely unknown.

I think people mainly live in their own bubble. We —the queer community and residents of Amsterdam— see trans people in our environment, get to know them, and they are our friends; we have them around us. But if you come from a smaller village or town and are unfamiliar with it, people may find it strange or weird for that reason. Or even despise it. You know, sometimes you can find things, but you don't have to say everything out loud. It doesn't bother you at all, right?

I really believe in the power of reinforcement. The great thing about Amsterdam is that you can choose from several places. That wasn't the case in Purmerend, the place I'm from. Here, you can actually make a kind of circuit. I also hope that people will continue to do that; go to several locations. Those places also have a right to exist if we all continue to support them. So go to the Lellebel, Saarein, and the Reguliers."

Why do you think there is relatively high turnover in lesbian bars?

"It's the same dynamic all over the world. Especially after COVID, you saw them all collapse. I think there are several reasons.

A: When I was going out, there weren't that many other parties.

Now there's sometimes a different women's party every week. Of course, I want to support and encourage that, but we're noticing it here too.

B: We already focus on a small target group. When Milkshake Festival (the largest queer festival in the Netherlands) takes place here in the city, the entire community is at Milkshake. Then it's very quiet in the bar. That makes sense. But when, for example, Loveland (Amsterdam), a heterosexual festival, takes place, the bar next door is not affected because it has a much larger (heterosexual) reach.

C: Unfortunately, women have less to spend than men, and physically, they often can't keep up with the amount of alcohol men can consume.

D: Women are more often busy starting a family or moving away from Amsterdam. They are (sometimes because of this) less outgoing, especially if they are in a relationship. Men often continue to go to the bar even when they are in a relationship."

Bar Buka in 5 years

"So far, I'm really enjoying it. I take a lot of pleasure out of it. I've met a lot of new people, and I notice that others also think it's a nice place. But at the end of the day, I still look at how much is in the till.

If it turns out not to be profitable, then I'll have no choice but to stop. Maybe there's no longer a need for places like this. That's also possible. I hope I'll still be here in 5 years, but I wouldn't bet on it."

Marianne passes the baton to Tori, owner of Bar Lellebel in Amsterdam.